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Andrew
Michael Madden |
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Our beloved son Andrew passed from his earthly existence on March 6, 1995. Despite
all of the losses through death in my own life, nothing had prepared me for this--the
death of my son. How could Andy, my amazingly curious, spontaneous, searching, sensitive
and alive child, who was becoming a man, vanish before my eyes in one instant of
unspeakable horror?
Today the grief remains, as it always will. But I am "turning a corner" in that
I can now more deeply feel and experience his life as a gift, not only to us, but to those
who were capable and took the time to experience his unique wit, laughter, gentleness, and
yes, anger and complexity at the many injustices of this world.
At such moments I wonder where he is now and am reminded of a short poem by Emily
Dickinson:
"The distance that
the dead have gone
does not at first appear
There coming back seems possible
For many an ardent year.
And then that we have followed them
We more than half suspect
So intimate have we become
With their dear retrospect."
This page is dedicated to our son and brother, Andy. He lived on this earth only sixteen years, five months and eight days. But he lives forever in our hearts and memories.
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Andy at the age of four already loved all animals. He was fascinated even at this time with art and artists. One summer day at this age he sat in our circle with all of his little friends around him and showed them a book containing all of Van Gogh's paintings. And like every little boy at that time he loved "He Man" and "Charlie Brown," and spent hours with his brother playing with their dog, Laddie. |
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At the age of eleven Andy met his basketball hero, Charles Barkley. Following this he spent summer weeks at basketball camps in New Jersey and the Sixers Camp in Pennsylvania. As he grew, he could often be seen with his friends in our home's Circle at the basketball court -- and he always had time to include the younger neighbors in their games.
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Andy and his brother Patrick were just twenty-six months apart. They were best friends and brothers. They shared toys, secrets and memories only they will ever know. Patrick wrote a poem about losing his brother and it is included in the poems section |
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Andy's Confirmation was an important event to him. After his death, we found in his room a prayer journal he had written as he prepared for this sacrament. Part of this is shared under his writings section.
A tree was planted at the Penn School by Andrew's friends and the faculty. This Pennsylvania school was a place where Andy received attention, love and understanding as a special education student in emotional support. His tree is a place we can always visit and know that he is loved and remembered.
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Andy's Confirmation Prayer Journal | |
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A Pig's Tale | |
Confirmation Prayer Journal
When Andy was preparing for his Confirmation, he kept a prayer journal. One year after his
Confirmation, at the age of 11, he put this final entry. When we found this journal after
his death, it renewed for us our belief in his depth of understanding and love. The part
below is the last section of his entry, and he is talking about the day of preparation the
students went through for their Confirmation.
"December 1, 1990
They called people up to receive notes from their parents about
Confirmation. After awhile, I thought I wouldn't get one but I finally did. It was such a
special note. I saw my Mom crying as I read it. I smiled at her warmly. Then, we each got
a balloon with a seed in it. We had to go outside and launch them. We made our way out in
the freezing cold. We stood in a big circle that day, singing "Here I am Lord."
We were told the symbol would be of being confirmed and growing spiritually as an adult.
They said some seeds will die or blow different places, but some will grow near ponds and
brooks, meadows and fields, to grow in God's name and proclaim his Word. With that we let
them go, and I watched mine all the way until it was out of sight. I got in the car with
my Mom and I thought while I ate at McDonald's with my Mom, "Where will my seed
go?" Well now, I have grown in the church a year. A lot has happened in that year.
And I know that seed is growing into a beautiful flower. Amen."
Andrew Michael Madden wrote this little story and drew the illustrations when he was fifteen. He kept it in his room, together with other things he had written, including an adventure novel, and many notebooks full of reflections, essays and poems. At the age of five he signed a kindergarten art piece "The Luck Angel" a name he continued to use on most of his creative work.The drawing below is his "Luck Angel" drawn as part of his signature.
We self-published this little book just as he drew and wrote it. It tells something about
him, his humor, his sense of searching, and his compassion. Andy's book was dedicated to
the child in all of us who has searched for friendship and belonging.
“The Luck Angel”
by Trudy Kimsey --Andy’s Aunt
I See Andy with St. Francis
He has him by the hand.
He is showing him all God’s creatures
that used to crawl and walk this land.
I see Andy pat a mighty lion
and bend down to touch a lamb.
I see a black bird on his shoulder
and a small snake in his hand.
I see Andy with a brown bear
walking at his heels.
I see him with a gray wolf
running through a field.
I see Andy with an elephant
Its great white tusks are back in place,
It’s gently lowering its long gray trunk
and nuzzling Andy’s face.
I see this mighty eagle fly
and in heaven it can sing.
I see it fly right down to Andy
So he can touch its wing.
I see a giant spider
and for once I feel no fear.
For the spider is a gentle thing
that Andy’s holding near.
I see Andy greeting Laddie
They have missed each other so much.
And Laddie’s tail is wagging
at Andy’s gentle touch.
I see Andy with this gentle man
With eyes deep brown, so kind.
I know it must be Jesus
From this vision in my mind.
I didn’t have much time with Andy
We lived so far apart.
But we shared a special kinship
a sensitive mind, a gentle heart.
When my time comes to leave this earth
and I’m called Home to You,
I pray I will be with Andy and St. Francis
For I love all your creatures too.
You must have needed a special shepherd
to help with Your creatures that in heaven roam,
I think that was Your reason
for calling Andy home.
Please God, give Andy’s family peace
Let them see my visions in their minds.
Maybe they can help to ease the pain
that they were left behind.
“Half Of Me Is Gone”
by Patrick Madden, Andy's Brother
Written in January, 1996
Half of me is gone
almost a year ago my brother died
no reason why, not even a chance
to say good-bye.
So soon it had to end
I’m so angry at God
why did he have to take him,
my one and only friend?
I remember all the time we had growing up
all the things we shared
I just hope he knew
how much I really cared.
We loved to party all the time
up in smoke we went
I just wish I could’ve told him
how much he really meant.
Now Andy is gone forever
I feel so alone and sad
I just can’t stop thinking
How much we always had.
I was always quiet
never had much to say
but Andy was always there
to take my loneliness away.
I feel like I’ve lost it all
I wish someone could help me
to look forward
to another day.
My younger brother died
everytime I think of him, I always start to cry
nobody understands me anymore
I feel I’m losing control.
Not only did I lose my brother
but maybe even my soul.
They say I have a life to live
they say I must go on
but how can this be done
when half of me is gone?
"My September Son"
Andrew Michael Madden
Born a child with autumn’s glow
strong, but gentle.
sensitive and melancholy
not unlike the season that gives way
to the chill of a coming March wind.
As the precious September days
too beautiful to linger
your gift of life was short
death came suddenly--an uninvited change
And now I am left with cold loneliness
harsh longing for the warmth
of my September son.
by Andy's Mom
Brothers
A Poem For Patrick
by Diane Mokruzski
Two brothers --Andrew and Patrick
One in heaven
One on earth.
Both a gift from God of invaluable worth.
Separate and apart
Must seem too painful
To be true.
Remember, though, a part of Andrew
Is alive in you.
This poem was given to Patrick by Diane at his brother's memorial service.
Thank you for visiting Andrew's web site. Please leave a memory below or e-mail Jim, Patrick or Elaine at: madden@erinet.com by clicking on the image
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Web page Created by Jim and Elaine Madden, and customized by Dick Copits (Smart Choices)
